Don't You Trouble Your Pretty Head.

The title is from Sex by the Pipettes. It's stuck in my head. Don't judge.
I'm not really sure why its called Sex....but the lyrics are kinda cute.

Anyway, something happened last night that makes my last post kind of ironic.
I was creeping on facebook, minding my own business, and then Alex chats me. I haven't seen them since StudProd. They're a creeper too, and so they know about my all that good stuff only a true creep would know....

I know a shit ton of people at Uni. I went to their homecoming with Ruth. She tells me there are rumors swimming arounf about me just because I was there. I don't really care, I looked hotter there than I did at UHS, plus I actually knew what I was doing.

So anyway, Alex asked me to the dance. As more than friends. Alex said that they liked me for a little bit after Cameron's party. We were kinda flirting with each other, so I wouldn't be suprised. I told Alex I had a bit of a crush for a while too, and still sort of do.
I mean, this is so amazing, cause if it happens, Alex would be my first everything. <3
The only problem?

Alex has a girlfriend. She's really pretty, too.
Apparently this girl has gotten asked to cheat on Alex by guys...and Alex knows about it.
Damnit, why do all the crumbs of hope have girlfriends already?

Alice is coming together, but it's still kind of rough around the edges. Urinetown just started and the music is awesome, but the alto part is either too high for my life or really hard. Or both. And the girl part in Mr. Cladwell? While I'm next to two incredible lead sopranos? Fuggeddaboudit.
>.<
And I still need to go to goodwill and get costume pieces. Once again, I'm not incredibly happy with my costume. Its better than hairspray, anyway, and much more flattering, but I'm sick of looking frumpy on stage.

Theater makes me feel beautiful. Graceful. Feminine. Even when I do play frumpy characters, usually...
I think its the laughter and applause I get. I didn't feel elegant or graceful or anything when I was Director, but I felt good about myself. I said about a year ago that when I act, I feel like a different person hiding behind the charachter. Its hard to explain now...

Now I'm not so sure anymore. I hate being chorus. I hate just being in the background, pretending to be interested in dialogue that I KNOW I could do 5 times better. I hate feeling insignificant and frumpy. I miss CPD, where they actually know I'm talented and actually try to push me a little bit. I'm so happy to be doing stuff that bitch hipster isn't in over the summer. I'm actually debating auditioning for Parkland's spring show, because they need kids this time, but I worry I won't have time. Alice opens next week but that means Urinetown is going to rule my life. I don't even have lines!

I love that ranting here makes me feel better. Its like the blogosphere is the only place where I can talk about whatever the fuck I want and no one can do anything about it.
That's all I got today. Hasta.